


Shadow of the Day

by Icarus_fallen



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:44:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9549716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icarus_fallen/pseuds/Icarus_fallen
Summary: Logically Elizabeth knew this day would come. Everyone died eventually, it was a facet of life.  She could recall the exact moment she realized she too would one day die, and so would everyone she had ever loved or cared about.  Illogically, she had never expected the actual day to come.  Dembe was at her door, and she knew instinctually it was to tell her that Raymond Reddington was gone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was my way of dealing with the loss of a good friend who passed away unexpectedly last year. Originally, I named it coming home (a nice way to say someone died) but i saw another story named that so to avoid confusion I changed the name to something else. 
> 
> We haven't abandoned the other stories, just haven't felt much like writing until tonight. I sat down and this came out.

            Logically Elizabeth knew this day would come. Everyone died eventually, it was a facet of life.  She could recall the exact moment she realized she too would one day die, and so would everyone she had ever loved or cared about.  It had been spoken of before.  Sam loved to watch Cosmo’s with her, the Carl Sagan Cosmo’s.  In it Sagan had spoken those famous lines about the pale blue dot.  But that was not the moment she realized she too would die one day.  We are told all that lives must die, but we always think we are beyond death.  That yes it will happen one day, but not today or tomorrow or the near future.  However, there is often that one moment when you realize that it could be today or tomorrow or in the near future.  For Elizabeth, it was not a remarkable day.  Still a young teen, Sam was driving them for one of her dentist appointments.  She was watching the road pass by not really thinking of anything.  There was nothing to prime the idea into her mind, no sign of death nearby.  But somehow looking out the window, as the crossed a small over a small creek, it was almost like an epiphany.  In that moment she realized she would die one day. It was like a weight being placed on her shoulders, even as a young teen, it was a deeply profound moment for her.  It was in that moment that the world started to take on a different tone.  It was almost like the first time a child learns that the world is not fair, that loss of innocence.  An innocence she had thought she lost long ago, but clearly, she learned that day there was more of it to be lost. 

            This is what she thought when she opened the door to her apartment and saw Dembe’s grave face. Illogically she never expected the day to come. It always seemed like Raymond Reddington was superhuman, untouchable, maybe even immortal. But everyone dies eventually.  She knew instinctively what Dembe was there to tell her something she did not want to hear.  For a few more seconds she wanted to hold onto the hope that all was still well in the world. 

            “Elizabeth may I come in?”  Dembe asked his voice steady despite the turmoil he felt inside.  He wanted to ask her so many questions and demand answers, but he knew now was not the time.  He needed to ensure she and Agnes were safe before he could question her.   

            She did not move, her mind occupied with the few more moments of denial.

            “I tried to call…”  Dembe said looking at her, “Before I came over.”

            “Agnes and I were napping earlier.  I must have left my phone on silence.”  Elizabeth said instinctually reaching to her pocket where her phone usually was, but she knew within seconds of feeling nothing there that she had left it on the nightstand.

            “May I come in?”  Dembe asked feeling guilty because he knew what he had come to speak to Elizabeth about would ruin the happy life she had built since her world returned to relatively normal.  This time there would be no Raymond around to help her recover.  He knew she would blame herself for what had happened, once she knew the entire story.  Marvin and Dembe had debated if she should know, Dembe was on the side of telling her, while Marvin wanted to wait until they had gotten their revenge.

            Elizabeth stepped aside to let Dembe into her apartment.  She wanted to ask him what happened, was Red at least alive, but she could not bring herself to speak the words.  To speak the words meant she could not continue to live in denial of what she had read in Dembe’s sad eyes.  The denial would end soon, Dembe would speak the words without her questions, but she was holding onto to those last few seconds.  It was as if she was a child again, and pulling the covers up over her head to hide from the monster she imagined in her room.  As long as the monster couldn’t see her under the covers, it wouldn’t hurt her.  As long as Dembe did not speak the three words, it would not be true.

            “Where is Tom?”  Dembe asked a new urgency in his voice.  His self-control had weakened in that moment, he needed to know if Tom was there.  He scanned the living room to find any sign of Tom.

            “He left two nights ago.  We had a fight.”  Liz answered walking over to the playpen that Agnes laid in.  She needed to hold her little girl.  To feel her warmth and innocents, to give her strength to hear what Dembe came to say.  The strength came to her looking down into the innocent little girl's eyes.  The little girl Reddington had gone to extremes to protect, despite the sins of the mother and father.  The little girl Reddington had adored and ensured would always be taken care of and protected.

            “Just say it Dembe.”  Liz said feeling the tears reach her eyes, but not yet raining down on her cheeks.

            “Raymond is dying.”  Dembe said feeling the weight of saying the words he had avoided saying himself, for the very reason Lizzie wanted to avoid hearing them.  It was childish to think that the world would do what you wanted if you just did not speak the truth.   

            “How?”  The tears now streaming down his face.

            “He was shot.”  Dembe said.

            “When?”

            “Last night.” 

            “Do you know who did it?”  Liz asked trying to calm Agnes who seemed to have sensed her mother’s distress and joined in with her own cries. 

            “We have an idea.”  Dembe responded. 

            “Was it Tom?”  Liz asked.

            Dembe did not answer.  “I asked them to keep Raymond on the ventilator in case you wanted to say your goodbyes.”

            Elizabeth asked again feeling her sadness morphing into anger, “Did Tom do it?”

            Dembe did not answer again and instead just looked at her letting the silence settle over them.

            After minutes of a staring contest, Elizabeth knew she was not going to get her answer, “Where is he?”

            “At a safe house.”  Dembe responded knowing Elizabeth was asking about Raymond.

            “There is no hope?”

            “No. He is brain dead and not breathing on his own. There has been no improvement over the past 24 hours.”  Dembe responded feeling a sharp pain in his chest for the loss of his brother.

            “Give me a moment to put together a diaper bag.” 

            “Of course.”  Dembe reached out to take Agnes from Elizabeth.  Holding the innocent girl in his arms, he vowed to keep his promise to his brother and protect the little girl and her mother at all cost. 

            In the nursery that she and Tom had just finished putting together the week before, Elizabeth wiped the tears away from her face. Taking a deep breath, she tried to push her emotions down inside, she needed to be strong for just a little longer.  After packing the diapers and wipes into Agnes diaper bag, she walked out to the kitchen to grab some of her stored breast milk out of the fridge.  Agnes would want to eat in about an hour, and Lizzie knew it would take longer to say her goodbyes. 

            Walking back out to the living room, she saw Dembe standing there holding her daughter.  There were tears in his eyes, as he stared down at a sleeping Agnes.  Once he noticed Elizabeth entered the room, he walked over trading her Agnes for the diaper bag. 

            It was not surprising that when they reached the car there was a car seat secure in the back.

            Elizabeth gently placed her sleeping daughter into the car seat.  She could smell Red in the backseat.  It smelt like his cologne and aftershave. After Agnes was properly secured, she climbed into the front with Dembe.

            It felt surreal that they were driving as if the world was zooming around them, and they were just sitting in place.  She could not find words to speak, the unanswered question hanging in the air.  Why had she asked if it was Tom?  She had no reason to suspect him to be the gunman.  Dembe did ask about Tom, but there was just something she felt.  Like how she knew Dembe was there to tell her Red was dead or dying and there was no hope.  Why would Tom?  They had fought, yes, about Red, but Red had been staying out of their life.  She had been impressed when he had asked to come over, and she denied him that moment, and he had respected her wishes.  Red had been doing his best to give them space.  The fight with Tom had been bad.  He was upset with having a security detail nearby.  Liz had felt comforted with the knowledge that there was extra protection, even if it came from Red.  The team had been across the street, with zero monitoring equipment within their apartment.  They had fought over it, though, Tom wanting a clean break.  Tom had once again been upset about the hours she was keeping at work too, and how it was all Red’s fault. 

            “Elizabeth.”  Dembe’s voice filled the car breaking her from her thoughts, “We are here.”

            Once again it felt like the world was moving, and she was standing still even as she walked up the few flights of stairs to the familiar apartment in Bethesda.  The creepy little apartment with all of Red’s memories and keepsakes, or at least that’s what she thought it was, but he had never confirmed.

            Dembe led Elizabeth inside where there was only Nick and Marvin.  Nick looked scared but did not speak to Liz when he saw her. Marvin was shell shocked sitting on the couch looking at nothing. 

            “Why is he here and not in a hospital?”  Elizabeth asked finally breaking out of her trance, Agnes was asleep in the carrier that Dembe held in one arm with the diaper bag strung across his shoulder.  Had she forgotten to get her daughter out of the car?  She could not remember exchanging words about Agnes. 

            “We moved him when it was clear he would not recover.” Marvin spoke standing up from the couch looking offended she asked such a question.

Dembe added, “Raymond would have wanted to be here.”

             “Why didn’t you call me when he got hurt?”  The truth was settling in on her as she stood in the apartment.  The covers over her head were not keeping the monsters at bay, “Why did you wait until now to tell me?’

            Dembe did not want to tell her they had not been sure if Elizabeth was in on the scheme.  That Raymond had received a text message from her asking him to meet her. That there was something important they needed to discuss. That they should meet where she had come to him after Sam’s death. 

            It was a planned ambush. One that was wholly unexpected. Raymond had assumed that only Lizzie and himself had known about his comforting her after Sam’s death. Therefore, when he left to meet with her, he had chosen to leave Dembe behind.  There had been so much tension between the two ever since Kate’s death and Raymond’s continued actions, it was easier on his conscience to just leave Dembe behind. 

            It was the moment that Raymond had stepped out of the car he knew he made a terrible mistake.  The first bullet tore through his right shoulder, leaving him unable to pull out his own weapon.  The gunman’s first kick with steel toed boots had injured Raymond’s spinal column, it was one of the kicks or maybe a combination of kicks that caused the bone spur to break free and slice through his spinal cord, leaving him unable to move his legs.

            The attacker did not want him to die a quick death.  The plan in place allowed him time to ensure that Raymond Reddington suffered before he died. Brass knuckles broke bones in Raymond’s face and his ribs.  What ultimately left Raymond Reddington brain-dead was the skull fractures caused by the steel toed boots or the brass knuckles. His brain had swollen as he laid on the ground dying from his injuries, with no one the wiser.

            It did not take a detective to figure out who had attacked Raymond.  There were few people who had access to Elizabeth Keen’s phone, and Raymond’s personal cell number of the week.  No one would know about the location, as it had not been a planned visit.  But the most damning piece of evidence was the video.  Dembe and Marvin had watched it in silence, seeing the vicious attack take place with no sound.  It had been a traffic camera, put in place to catch people running red lights.  Dembe had noticed it when they found Raymond, and one of their tech people made quick work of obtaining it. 

            No one would ever know that a peace settled over Raymond in the last moments of his conscious life. The pain numbed as darkness overtook him. She was free of him finally. 

            Nick had assured both men that by the time Marvin and Dembe had found Red, there was nothing that could have saved him.  That Raymond Reddington had already been brain-dead. Still, Marvin had made Nick along with a neurosurgeon try to save the brain-dead patient.  Half of Red’s skull had been removed to allow the brain room to swell, but after 24 hours of no brain activity, it was time to call it.  It was well past the normal time they had waited to declare someone brain dead. 

            Baz had called to inform Dembe that Tom Keen had not reappeared at the new apartment.  That Elizabeth had been only left the apartment to pick up dinner and returned the evening before and had not been seen since. After a quick check of her phone records, Marvin decided it was unlikely Elizabeth Keen knew about Tom’s ambush on Raymond.  It was then that Dembe went to get Elizabeth to inform her of Red’s status. While Dembe was confident Elizabeth would never have a role in Red’s death, Marvin was not so sure. 

            Elizabeth felt her breath coming into her body feeling a like each inhale was searing her lungs with hot air.  Every exhale left her shivering.  Walking into the bedroom, she could hear the rhythmic sound of a machine.  Shhh as air came in, and soft click when it had pumped the lungs full of air, the soft sound of the heart monitor in the background accounting for each and every heartbeat of the shell of a man. 

The first sight of him made her gasp, and the tears started to stream down her face, a sob caught in her throat. The body in the bed looked nothing like Raymond Reddington.  The psychologist in her knew she was grasping onto the last straws of denial.  That maybe they got it all wrong.  A large white bandaged covered the top of his head, but it was clear there was more damage.  His face was bruised, with one eye socket looking as if it had been collapsed into the eye.

            Dembe touched her shoulder softly to get her attention, “Take as much time as you need.”  Dembe said gently, leaving the room with Agnes to give Lizzie privacy.

            Walking up to the bed, Lizzie grabbed Red’s left hand feeling how cold it felt. All of the warmth was gone, and yet he was still alive.  How could they think he is dead?  Look at the machine it was beeping away with each heartbeat.  Red was still there.  She could see his chest rise and fall with the rhythmic sound of the machine making it.  A sob finally escaped her as she continued to take in the body before her.  He was not gone, she kept telling herself. He would wake up and make a joke about all of this, act like nothing had happened.  Raymond Reddington was not dead. They were giving up on his too soon. Miracles could happen, and maybe this was one of those times.  He was a tough old bastard, they just needed to give him time to fight, more time to fight. 

            The time she spent with him was spent between crying, sobbing, and pleading in a cycle until she was all cried out and she fell asleep listening to his heartbeat and the machine breath for him. 

            Eventually, Dembe walked into the room, gently placing a hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder.

            Opening her bloodshot eyes, she saw the tears in Dembe’s.  It made her cry again. 

            “It’s time Elizabeth.”

            “No.”  She said, “He could still wake up.”

            “Elizabeth he’s gone.”  Dembe said feeling a lump in his throat he tried to swallow away.  He had not cried since he was a child.  He had to be strong for everyone, for Raymond, he would want him to be strong for Elizabeth and for Marvin who was taking this just as hard. 

            “No, I won’t let you.”  She said getting up looking as if she was ready to fight Dembe.  She put herself between Dembe and Red as if she were protecting Raymond.

            “He is gone, Elizabeth.”  Dembe said, “He made his wishes very clear.  He never wanted to be kept alive on a machine.”

            “I don’t care what he wanted, and he’s not gone.”  Elizabeth said, “He just needs a bit more time to recover.  He will wake up.”

            “No, he won’t.”  Nick said from the doorway having come to check on the commotion.  He knew what he was doing next was cruel, but he knew he also needed to do it for Liz.  That she needed to hear the extent of Reddington’s injuries.  That by knowing how badly he had been injured she would understand that there was no chance for recovery. 

            “From what I can tell.”  Nick began to speak in a clinical voice, it was how they had trained them in medical school when they had a family that could not accept the loss of their loved one, “he was shot first.  The bullet tore through bone and tendons leaving his right arm damaged to the point he would not have been able to move it.  The attacker”  Purposely avoiding calling the attacker by the name he had heard spoken in hushed tones over the last 36 hours, “had kicked him with enough force to break segments of his lumbar spine, a piece of the bone appears to have severed the spinal cord.  He is paralyzed from the waist down.  In addition, he has a broken pelvis, and his kneecap was shattered.  There is further damage to multiple ribs with at least five of them broken.” 

            “Stop please.”  Liz begged not wanting to hear any more.

            Nick ignored her please, “He has a broken jaw orbital lobe on the right side.  His ear drum was ruptured from what was likely a savage kick or punch to the head.  However, what was the most damaging was the multiple skull fractures, likely due to vicious kicks or punches.  His brain swelled.  Without medical attention, that would have been necessary very soon after the attack to ensure a small chance at survival, his brain had no room to swell inside his skull.  At that point, his brain began to die.  There is no function left.  There were minimum brainwaves when I arrived to treat him. Enough to keep him breathing and his heart beating.  I and a neurosurgeon did our best to try to preserve the minimum functions by removing half of his skull.  However, at that point, it was already too late.  Within hours of the surgery, his brain functions stopped.  We observed him for 24 hours and did not observe any brain waves.”  Pausing to look her in the eyes, to see the pain he had seen in many family members faces when he had been unable to save their loved ones, “Despite our best efforts, he is braindead.  There is nothing left we can do for him.”  

Nicks account had broken through any hope of denial for Elizabeth.  The truth washed over her. Raymond Reddington was no longer of this earth.  What was left in this bed was his body, but what made him was gone.  Dead with his brain waves. 

She cried burying her face into his cold arm.  She heard herself begging him to please come back, apologizing for how she had treated him.  For how awful she was to him, all the horrible things she had said to him. Dembe had warned her, told her that Raymond was walking a dangerous path, and yet she had done nothing. 

            Dembe pulled her to him, the motion causing her to lash out and pound on his chest.  Pulling her into a tight hug, Dembe comforted her.  “He is gone, and he would not have wanted to be kept like this.”

            “I’m so sorry.”  She cried into Dembe’s chest.  It was all her fault.  She had kept Tom in their lives.  Dembe had warned her about Red’s reckless disregard for even his own life.

            “It is not your fault Elizabeth.”  Dembe tried to comfort her, “No one blames you.”  Dembe glared at Marvin who he had actually blamed Elizabeth for all of this and then some.      

            Elizabeth pulled away from Dembe wanting to ask more about how they knew it was Tom.  But she knew now was not the time.  They were right, now was the time to say goodbye to Raymond.  To let him go because it would only be selfish to keep him here.  But before she relented she had to know one thing, “Is he in pain?”

            Nick spoke, “No he is not.”  Nick did not aid that it was impossible for him to feel pain without his brain.

            “He likely lost consciousness when his L3 and L4 were broken.” 

            “And you are sure there is no chance he can wake up?”

            “Yes.”  Nick said knowing she needed to hear it just one more time.

            Looking back at Red, she moved out of Dembe’s way.  Walking to the other side of the bed, she took his uninjured hand and sat down in the chair.  “Goodbye Raymond.”  She kissed his knuckles, tears streaming down her face onto his hand.  She longed to have the gentle hand wipe away her tears and reminded her all would be good in the world once again.  It would never happen again. 

            Dembe nodded to Nick giving him permission to start the procedure of removing the breathing tube and turning off the machines.

Nick moved to the bed, turning off the machine breathing for Reddington.  He pulled the breathing tube out and turned the heart machine onto silence.  Despite how much he despised the dying man, he hoped for a quick painless death.  Taking one last glance at his dying patient, Nick moved to the background of the room.  It was not his place to be there other than as the doctor.

Dembe recited the same prayer he and Raymond had when Anslo had a gun to Dembe’s head.  Elizabeth silently cried holding onto Red’s cold hand.  Red’s gasp for air was the only other sound in the room as Dembe spoke, and eventually, his gasp were the only sound left. 

Marvin, Dembe, and Lizzie sat around the bed for twenty minutes watching their loved one breath his last breaths ever.  There was on last raspy exhale and then nothing.

            When the machine tracking Raymond Reddington’s heartbeat finally reached a flat line Nick turned off the machine completely, having left the display on earlier. He gave his condolences and left the trio staring down at the body of Raymond

**I'm coming home**  
**I'm coming home**  
**Tell the world I'm coming home**  
**Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday**  
**My kingdom awaits**  
**They've forgiven my mistakes**   
**I"m coming home**   
**Tell the world I'm coming home**

**\--Skylar Grey**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
